The Drawbacks of Inerbriation
by Passing Obsession
Summary: Corporal Levi Rivaille did not cry. He certainly did not cry in front of his subordinates. And he absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, did not cry on the filthy floor like a wretch.


**Hey! I'm relatively new to this fandom, but I've fallen in love with it. Especially with Armin, Levi, and Mikasa; although all the characters are complex and interesting, they're definitely my favorites! Anywho, I published this on my tumblr ( url is i-am-fate-this-is-my-bloog if you like Snk/Aot headcannons! Accepting submissions! Check it out!) and figured I might as well publish it here. Enjoy!**

Corporal Levi Rivaille did not cry.

He certainly did not cry in front of his subordinates. And he absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, did not cry on the filthy floor like a wretch.

He was not a wretch, he hated filth, and his tears were gone long ago if they had ever even existed.

But here he was.

Corporal Levi Rivaille was, in fact, crying, in front of his subordinates, on the grime-y floor - the floor, of all places! - yes, like a wretch. Which he was not. He would like to say that it is not at all his fault and therefore, no one could blame nor harass him for it. However, he could not, for two reasons: One, if he did, it would be a lie; Two, even if he wanted to lie - which he did - he really couldn't through all the sobbing and be at all understood. It would really only make the entire situation even less ideal, which would, he reflected, be very hard to do.

Eren, as well as everyone else, was at a complete and utter loss. They were all drunk, of course, but there wasn't enough liquor in hell to make Levi crying his eyes out - on the floor! - any less stupifying. Or at least any less stupifying than it was right now, and they were pretty drunk.

Tonight had been set out to be a jovial one, a respite from…less pleasant things. Things that he's really not going to dwell on, since this is supposed to be a jovial night of respite from said things, and he doesn't need that in his life. Anyway, the regiment's Scouts knew how to smuggle alcohol - and probably other things, he pondered briefly before wisely setting aside the notion - and unanimously it was decided to bring it out. Not that they really needed to smuggle, since no one in the regiment really cared: if you wanted to pass out drunk and get eaten by a titan and/or be pranked to hell and back by your squad, that was really your own business. But Eren supposed the smuggle must be half the fun.

The entire regiment would probably disagree, and most likely assert that it was, instead, the consumption of said contraband. At least before the blubbering Heichou was a thing.

Oh, yes; Levi Heichou. How'd that happen again?…Honestly, Eren couldn't really - Oh! Yes, that's it.

Tonight, with all the alcohol and blubbering corporals, had also been Eren's first drop of the stuff. Team Levi knew him and trusted him well enough to permit it. Plus, Hange _really_ wanted to see what would happen. Meaning that she'd shoved it down his throat before anyone could stop her, and Levi wasn't angry enough to flay her. As a result, Eren was pretty drunk. Did he mention that before? Mikasa was going to flay _him_. And then probably Hange, but by then he'd be dead, so it didn't mean too much.

Even before Eren was really, really drunk, Team Levi had started on themselves. Once Team Levi was really, really drunk, they started working on Levi. It is worth mentioning that they tried really, reaally hard, and Levi resisted really, really hard. They weren't drunk enough or stupid enough to try what Hange had done to Eren, but their prodding did end in quite a bit of…pain. Finally, they sent in Petra.

Compared to the rest of the team's efforts, Petra blinked, and poof! six shots for the corporal.

It's entirely possible that they'd worn him down, but drunk, drunk Eren, from his neutral observation point four stools down, decided he totally shipped it.

He watched Levi like a hawk, just sitting with Petra. He had no idea what they were talking about, but it was loud and therefore, presumably, casual. Slowly, Levi's voice got louder. Slowly, Levi started to smile. Then he started to laugh. Eren saw, several times, Petra would look absolutely _scandalized_ or utterly _astounded_ , or _something_. Drunk Eren was not very good with such differentiations, but it was something, okay?

Finally, in a fit of laughter - completely unheard of from the corporal, figuratively and literally - he just…fell. Right off his chair. And he kept laughing. Hysterically. And then, when everybody forgot (including and especially him) what he'd been laughing about in the first place, he was crying. Hysterically. On the floor!

And that is the story of how Eren and the entire Scouting regiment learned that corporal Levi loses all self-control when inerbriated.

Oh, they were going to enlist Armin and by gosh, they were going to _use_ this. They might die, but Sina, it might be worth it.

Headcannon: Levi absolutely, without fail, loses all self-control when drunk. He just…goes nuts.


End file.
